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Avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering


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Avoidance of suffering is a form of suffering

Sometimes in order to forget someone, we need to replay the cassette of our eternally splendid long poignant moments spent together.

Once you’re alone, losing people don’t matter. It’s like split open your heart and reset your feelings for someone because If you don’t, you’re a loser, A person who is immune to churn his self-respect and tarnish their ego for a relation called FRIENDSHIP, cause when was ego an ingredient to friendship?

Only a monarch would know how to compromise and I am no Saint just a senseless girl with a heart of stone that changes colors, at least that’s what they once said.

I never wanted to feel Grotesque. They gave up on me like I was a trash in their phone. Overly stressed, overly neurotic and overly self-loathing poetic me with my trembling fingers, find my ways to be there for you but there’s a hindrance. I am unpretzelling my brain trying not to complain but isn’t this an honest confrontation that generates the greatest of truths?

Cause coming closer to you feels like running on a fast track saving my life as a miracle because he said, “Miracles do happen.” When I replied, “But rarely!”

Having him was like having a black heart meant to be special. Missing him was like skipping my meals to finish off with something that is never ending. Remember when you said ouch on a 6 am call and I was already crying over something with the thought that someone understands me. I slept as if the world doesn’t exist as if it’s as peaceful as If fear never existed.  But who knew that all I was, was an annoying, nagging, silly, senseless girl who was nothing but a problem for you. Who knew that my silly cute jokes to cheer you up were nothing but cheap childish intrinsically insecure sick paradoxical statements that even a nursery student would avoid.

 

Sometimes I am called wannabe

And

Sometimes fake

Curfew on being honest,

Was my punishment to show you the real me?

My quietness was dealt with stubbornness when all I needed was love, care and time

Don’t call me special unless you really mean it.

So

What’s a better sustenance?

Repeat the days of infamy over and over again and get this confined to your own petty skull sized hell that you can apologize someone for weeks over silly things but when the other person does the same you are not allowed to expect the same amount of apologies in return cause if you do, you are asked rudely not to over think. Perfect and amazing people don’t apologize all they do is break your heart and act normal the next time they talk cause when was apologizing a great ordeal?

So why jeopardize your efforts in something that always have to be misunderstood?  Where efforts are thrown in vain? Where your absence doesn’t affect them? So how can you ever be so sure that your presence ever mattered to them?

One thing that people need to understand is that life is no magic and I am not submissive enough to agree with something I don’t want to, I can laugh over the things I like and cry over the things that hurts. I am sorry for my mistakes but I’ll never be sorry for things I don’t regret on. Be proud of yourself, be comfortable in your skin cause if you’re not proud of who you are than how could you expect to be someone else’s pride?

Dear world,

I have learnt this now,

Don’t hear things you don’t want to hear and never make someone your important because the moment you will tell them how much importance they have in your life you’re going to get suffocated and the heaviness of that air will make you sick as if you your stomach being churned wondering about the repercussions, they’re going to change the color of their signal in the blink of your eye and wouldn’t hesitate to change the filter of your picture. This “ you’re important in my life” gives the other person  nerves to shatter you , so if ever you want to be important in anyone’s life just be you and with the emerging sunlight in your life just breathe and let it all go, just let it all go …….

You got to leave before you get left so now I am becoming the person this world wants me to be. Maybe this is how the world works or maybe my opinions in your life are just as delusional as our life already is or maybe all the other person needs is understanding, enough to bear them in your life because it’s not their fault it’s the things they’ve been through that comes out on a person whom they call their close.

P.S:-

WHY DOES LIFE HAVE TO BE SO BLACK AND WHITE WHEN YOU ADAPT LIVING IN VIBRANT COLOURS?


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Mahnoor Amir

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